Freedom vs. Feardom is another idea that was tossed around in our office (btw it is nice to have people in the office to talk to. The Vacant Oversight was an exacting time in my life) where we began to discuss the way that fear grips so much of what we do as Christians and how we live in such a blatant fear of being disowned or found “outside the will of God,” rather than simply living in the freedom offered by Christ Jesus.
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
If we have no condemnation, why is it that we live in fear of being condemned?
The provision of the Lord is one of the most overpowering and altogether inconceivable elements of our relationship with Christ. It is the overarching theme to the way the Father dotes upon His children…it is the consist reminder of the wedding feast that is being prepared for the bride whose dress is only made white by the blood of her groom. Being reminded of such a powerful revelation of love and affection only enhances the pain that I feel toward my own heart. Seeing such an overt display of love, mercy, grace, and passion toward me only causes me to loathe the thought of my own reflection even more than previously… And though sitting in the dark may help me to experience relief from the pain of what I see in myself, it is the light of the Lord Jesus Christ that causes each day to have relevance and purpose. We are the unique focus of the God of the Universe and not only does he provide for us the only possibility to the propitiation of our own sin, He grants for us a life of abundance. Provision is the perfect reminder of the fact that I am incapable of producing my own perfection. There is nothing that I can do to earn the gift that He offers, and the infinite value of such a loving expression only makes his perfection more beautiful.
How long will I struggle with the wickedness of my own heart? How many times will I lay awake at night disgusted with the cravings of my own heart? At what point will I be able to make the scripture true in my life when it says, “resist the devil and he will flee from you.”
I would like to believe that my heart is becoming more like that of my savior because my actions are less reprehensible than they used to be, but that same savior also said the He looks at a man’s heart instead of his outward appearance. I want to quench this despicable fire at it’s source. I want to know that He is the root of all that I want and hope for.
Lord make my desires your desires, entreat my heart to love you only, and deliver me from all unrighteousness!
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